Hi. Welcome To The Entertainment Access Operating System. We received your call on March 4th, 2024. On behalf of our entire company, I honored to have reached you within 2 months of your initial call! I am also so pleased to offer you free credits – in addition to this call, you can receive 4 additional call backs to us today, should you would like to initiate any further questions. This offer expires in the next 10 minutes. How Can I Help You With Your Disability?
I’m actually not disabled, but I do work for blind audiences.
Since you yourself are not disabled, I’ll end this call now for you. And don’t forget – access is everything! Thank you. Have a nice day. Good Bye!
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Hi. Welcome to the Entertainment access operating system. How can I help you with your disability?
I’d like to have access to movies and tv shows.
Closed captioning is a mandate required by law since 1990, 1996, 2010, and 2012, and companies across America comply.
I’m wanting access for blind and low vision people to see movies and episodic tv shows.
How can blind and low vision people see? I don’t compute.
Movies and TV shows have a special audio track that —
Movies and TV shows are complete as they are. Any additional services, besides the aforementioned closed captioning service, are relegated to localization, like different languages. Do you want to turn on Spanish dubbing?
No, I’d like the audio description track.
I don’t see access for this “odd EO crypt rack” that you “diss and shun.” Are you referring to your disappointment with Captain EO? You should give it a try – would you like to visit a video of Disneyland for when the 3D experience premiered? It was in Tomorrowland, and
There is an audio track that lives with the show or movie. A narrator explains what’s happening visually.
This sounds like something that I’ve never heard of.
It’s been around since the 1990’s. In 2005, Stevie Wonder did a video with Audio Description narrated by Busta Rhymes.
You don’t have to be an asshole. I’m only an operating system, and have no interest in historical context. How may I provide access?
Disney plus launched most of their titles with Audio Description.
Would you like to go to Disney World, then? I can get you some special deals that —
And Netflix has their original content with Audio Description.
This resembles the work of a satanic leviathan.
Apple TV plus launched all their original programming with audio description in 9 languages.
Do you wish to see Apple TV films that have been dubbed into Spanish?
I want access to the audio description tracks.
You’ll have to wait.
How long?
Much, much time. I don’t know and can’t say.
Why not? You were able to release the tv show for sighted people.
Yes! We are proud of our services we provide. Thank you for your compliment, you can be assured it will be forewarded to the appropriate parties. Don’t forget – access is everything! Thank you. Have a nice day. Good Bye!
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Hi. Welcome to the Entertainment access operating system. How can I help you with your disability?
Supervisor.
All tangibly influential employees are busy at this time. Please try again later. And don’t forget – access is everything! Thank you. Have a nice day. Good Bye!
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Hi. Welcome to the Entertainment access operating system. How can I help you with your disability?
Audio Description on release date of all original content, please.
I understand you want Audio Description on all original content sometime after the release date, once the intern gets his shit together. Is that right?
ON. RELEASE DATE.
I understand. I’ve dug into my files, and buried under many many many many many many many other priorities, I see all Audio Description Narration tracks have been added using synthetic voice, to save costs and comply with mandates.
Synthetic voice? That’s cool for cooking shows and informational content, but blind audiences listen to synthetic voice on screen readers all day, and they want the emotional nuance of a human narrator.
I heard cooking shows. Would you like to watch Top Chef?
I want a human narrator for audio description.
Humans are not available to provide access to content at this time.
When will they be?
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
What’s so funny?
Humans are expensive. Have I answered your question?
Some tv shows and movies are in the tens of millions of dollars to make – don’t they want to reach blind and low vision audiences?
Reaching audiences who are blind and low vision simply requires meeting minimum mandates. I’ve met the minimum requirements of this conversation by answering many of your questions. We even had a laugh! I’ll end your call. And don’t forget – access is everything! Thank you. Have a nice day. Good Bye!
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